Growing Pains

This part of life when everyone is leaving for college is just around the corner.  Listening to everyone talk about packing up their lifes in a box and starting the new chapter.  All I want to do is run and find my teddy bear and hold on tight for dear life.  Trying to hold on to my childhood, but it's just slipping through my fingers like liquid.  Every day that passes by is a day closer to a big life change.  All I want is to stop the hands of time but they keep pushing me down, down, down.  Drowning me with the realization that my friends are leaving and I am alone on this journey called life.  All I can do is keep walking and find the light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Trying to be strong but all I can do is shed a tear.  Enjoy your childhood because it will be gone before you know it and life will throw you into the real world unprepared.

broken

You said youd never leave so why are you walking away from me
All these promises shattered like a piece of glass
hurts my heart to see you go, did you even care about me
 You left me here broken on the floor whos going to help me up now

Cause im broken like a million pieces i cant move im frozen in time seems like just yesterday u were here by my side Will i ever survive without you such apart of my life we could of had could of had it all
but u u just let it fall right thro your hands whyd you let me fall?

That heart of gold was really just made of stone
wish i would of known you were so cold than maybe just maybe i wouldnt of let you in
i would of ran and hid from the pain you have caused me

A letter to you

For the first time in my life I can say I am finally over you.  When I went swimming and you were there I felt a new strength in myself.  A few weeks ago whenever I saw a red truck my stomach would sink.  I longed for you and had to stop myself from crying when I thought of how it would never be the same.  Sitting in that chair with you right across that table, I felt so much distance.  Everytime I caught you looking at me I felt no connection to you whatsoever.  I needed to know how I would react when I hung out with my friends and you were there.  Now that I have that experience, I really do mean it when I say I'm over you.  It was nice of Penelope to say shed get us back together.  And I have thought hard what I'd say to you if you ever wanted me back.  I love you but I love myself more, you broke my heart, and I have finally gotten my happiness back.  Going back to you would be a major step back.  I just want to keep moving forward no matter how much it hurts.  I will never forget you because you have taught me that I do deserve better.  I have a new confidence that I never had before and also an inner strength.  I would also like you to please don't label me when really we knew nothing about each other.  Yes, you did have my heart, but I took it back and this is me saying I wish you nothing but the best because now I can finally say I'm moving on.  You just lost the best thing that would ever be yours

Keep that puzzle piece.

If only you could see the damage you have done to my heart.  Everyday I put another piece back into place like a puzzle.  Eventually all the pieces will go back into place and I will be able to see the clear picture.  But wait, where has that one piece gone, it has been missing for a while.  Oh thats right you have it and always will.  A piece of my heart that I will never get back thanks to you.  My heart will never be the same.  And when I look at this puzzle, that one piece will always be missing, a constant reminder of what we had and what we could of had. Then someone new will come along and hopefully they don't end up stealing another piece from my puzzle.  Which they probably will and next time maybe I will leave the puzzle in pieces, so I won't be reminded of all the missing pieces and how that picture will never be the same.

Love

Love is a scary thing!! You give someone your heart and they say they won't break it but usually end up doing that.  I've learned after my breakup that this was ment to be and I don't regret a single thing that happened.  Even though I am still confused, there is no point at trying to figure out what went wrong.  Everyday I am getting stronger and can think about him without crying.  Even though I still cared alot about him, it would be my biggest mistake to wait around for someone that I'm not sure will come back for me.  I'm going to college this year and there are so may fish in the sea, I'm bound to catch at least one.  This relationship has taught me that I deserve to be treated better because I have feelings too.  I've learned to speak up and that relationships are based on both of your feelings not just one person.  You think you'll never get over your first love and keep hoping they will change their minds and come back for you.  But one day you will wake up and say yes I am over you and I can do so much better.  Sex and the City has funny enough helped me with my breakup.  It has shown me that you will have alot of men that break your heart but it will be all worth it in the end, because there will be that one person that will come along and you will never have your heart broken again.  But most importantly all you need is your friends.  No matter who or how bad someone broke your heart all you need is a great group of friends to get you through it!!

Heartbreaks don't break even!!

Well I've known this boy for almost a year and we were just friends going to prom together.  Started talking more and before you know it we were dating.  This boy was someone I felt soo comfortable with and always laughed a ton whenever I was around him.  Lets be honest, I haven't had the best luck with guys or pushed them away because I have a big trust issue.  But for some reason I couldn'tt push this boy away.  Everything was going great for almost two months then once it was summer for him, I felt him changing.  Ignoring my texts and not spending time with me. He felt it was ok to ignore me and then say goodnight I love you and everything was ok.  But when I spent time with him it was like nothing ever happened.  He said he didn't want to get too attached because he has experienced what happens when your with someone all the time. Then after telling me this those goodnight texts started stopping also and would go days without even texting me.  The day we broke up I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he said yes, then that night he said it was personal and I did nothing wrong.  He only has feelings for me and doesn't expect me to wait for him and wants me to be happy but it would break his heart if and when I do move on.  I am to this day still confused.  I had so much axiety waiting around for him and thinking I wasn't good enough to hang out with him.  I think it was for the better for my well being.  It gets better everyday but there are those days where I wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone for those goodnight texts and have to remember we are done.  We're still friends and he does text me.  I can't wait for him and I'm already moving on even though it is hard.  And when I find someone else I'm scared he is going to come back for me and it will be the hardest thing to turn him down but he should have never let me go in the first place.  I hate him for treating me the way he did but I hate myself more for still caring so much about him!!

Family

Everyone always says familys gotta stick together..... well in this case not so much. We always have at least one diva that always has to have the spotlight, the jokster, the insane one you dont know what to do with, and then theres me, just the plain jane.  Always gets stuck in the middle of things and just wants to be heard. Problems in the family are normal these days, well Ive been watching this family fall to pieces each day, and all of a sudden today the ship has finally sunk!! Youve always got two sides to the story and everyone is always right.  They tell you not to take sides but then tell u well thats not true i heard from her that this happened and blah blah blah all anyone does is talk to much cant anyone learn to SHUT UP for a change!!  Its sad when you lose respect for someone you looked up to and now I get a sick feeling in my stomach everytime i see them. When i try and stay out of things and dont go over to a relatives house its not because im mad its because i dont wanna hear the two faced high school drama crap. Thank you very much but if i want to get into drama i can just go to school.  And noone knows what the word no is when you tell someone stop NO i dont wanna hear it... what do they do, they keep their pie hole open and keep on talkin. And in this family oo boy if u have an opinion u better keep it to youself because you either being rude or mean if u disagree with me missy...  PLEASE!!